


Ballast

by DaydreamDestiel



Series: Prompted Fics [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Depression, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Established Relationship, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 23:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13646484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaydreamDestiel/pseuds/DaydreamDestiel
Summary: This was a tumblr prompt for Destiel. Dean dealing with mental illness.





	Ballast

The soundness of his sleep had been shattered by nothing more than a breath drawn wrong to his left. Too high up for Dean to be laying beside him, and child-like, Cas rubbed his sleepy eye with a fist. Dean would've been the first to tease him for it normally. Even only half-awake, Cas knew that this wasn't normally. Dean was curled up on himself. Legs planted on the floor beside the bed, and doubled over.

“Babe?” Cas's voice was sleep-rough and quiet, still too loud.

Dean's voice was rough when he spoke and Cas's heart ached at it, “'m okay.” A ragged breath, then, “Get some sleep, you gotta work in the morning.”

He did, but that didn’t matter at all right then. Two years together and Dean still tried to protect Cas from his panic attacks. They were fewer and farther between since he’d started seeing a psychologist last year, but he still struggled. He thought that when they happened it was a burden for Cas. It wasn’t. He shifted so that he was sitting behind Dean, warm hand on the smooth bare skin of his back, lit up in the blue-grey of the moonlight through their window. “I’ll be fine Dean, talk to me.”

A shuddering breath shook Dean’s back beneath his palm and then he was on his back, Dean in his arms. Dean’s face was tucked into the side of his neck, wetness there that meant tears. Soothingly, he rubbed his hand over Dean’s back, tried to communicate wordlessly that he was there for him, that he would listen when Dean could talk. Sometimes Dean’s thoughts raced too fast to make sense of, this crushing despair that didn’t always have a source that he could pinpoint and other times it was memories that did it.

And if Cas’d ever met John Winchester, it wouldn’t have ended well for John, that much he knew. He’d never said that out loud, because it wasn’t about him or how he felt about John, it was about Dean and the effects of his father’s neglect. Abuse Dean didn’t even quantify that way, because his Dad had only rarely hit him. He was just tough, doing his best, Dean thought, but Cas had a hard time believing that when he lived with the scars it’d left on Dean.

So he did what he could, he held Dean when he needed a safe place to breathe, to calm down and he waited for him to let him in. Sooner or later, he’d open up, once he’d calmed enough to, and Cas would be there to help build him up again. He couldn’t fix Dean, he knew that, but he could love him. He could tell him that he wasn’t stupid, or slow, or a bad brother to Sam, or a chore for him, try to counter the things his brain told him on a regular basis.

Because Dean was smart, an amazing brother, a devoted partner, but sometimes his mind lied to him. So Cas took care of him, kept him safe the best that he could when it happened and Dean would usually be back to normal by morning. The times when it’d been days or weeks of it had slowly gotten shorter now that he was on medication and in therapy. It was still an uphill climb for Dean some days, but Cas had always been proud of his determination to keep on grinding.

After awhile, Dean’s breathing slowed, and Cas realized he’d fallen asleep again. Slowly, careful not to wake him, Cas shifted them so that Dean’s head rested on his chest. He gently carded his hand through Dean’s hair and let himself slowly drift off back to sleep too. 


End file.
